lost in insanity......

i think its funnie how you can cultivate friendships have people you love and people you hate but when our alone you hate them all. How no one calls or misses you when your not around, eventhought you miss them more fiercley then ever. How everyone else alwasy have things to do but you never have anything, and when they finay invite you to do things with them you have something like school or work keeping you from enjoying them. The empty feeling you get inside just eats away at you.
Fuck off

Ever felt like youve finaly figured something out only to have it become all the more confusing? Ive finaly hit that point where ive found what makes me happy, but it just makes my life all the more complicated frustrating and annoyong all at the same time.
Thats my rant for the month

hay all who read this still
im alive mostly
once agian i have let school consume me
i miss you all
but sadley school will contime to take over my life
forgive me
~ moto

yeay for canada and north dakoda
ill make a longer post later
but yeay ^^

well
wow alot happend all at once.. but my in my life that seems to be the way things go. finished my samester about a month ago, then all the "kids" (( alex koda and mike)) all came over and crashed at my place for Fanime. Fanime was alot of work and a really good learning experance, amazingley an anime convention is helping me grow up some. every day and every new step i take makes me feel more and more like an adult and less like the child thats skreeming and throwing a tantrum in my head. so anyhow fanime was a big fun mess then the kids came home alex and koda left mike and i went out with old borders friends as we got drunk bad. dont know if ill do that agian for awile but it made me think alot about myself and still is making me think about what i want in life and what i need. a freind was suposta come visit and my heart broke alittle when he never showed up... its funnie how you know things arnt going to happen but they still crush you when they dont.. as hard as i try to take my heart off my sleve i just cant and it gets a bruse every time.. but is that a bad thing? is it a bad thing to still feel life, and heck what dosent kil you only makes you stronger right? anyhow spent my weeks alone mostly went to work and hung out at home. Sato was my angle always coming up to keep me companey. Spent a weekend with my mom and dad, mom and i went shoping and did our normal love hate thing. somehow i dont think thats ever going to change betwen us, we are both to much the same to ever truley be at peace with eachother but i love her none- the- less ^_^. And this last weekend we ended up at a ren fair in taho (( me steve mik g and sato )) . it was very very dusty i ripped thought one of my bodices and i thought i lost 100$ (( luckley it was found in m bag ^^ )). but i ended up making a good friend and potentialy a new job every so often. Oh did i mention my roomie was gone all this time? she went off to europe (( just came home tonight)) seems she had alot of fun i want to hear more of her storied ^^ . anyhow after ren fair (( day after actualy)) i started my new job at paper source. Going to try and pull 2 days at borders 2 days at paper source and 2 days of class this summer, going to try and save up to go see lj math and val in october. but we will see how sane i stay. the new job is amazing thought, and even thought i have only worked there 3 ays i kinda feel at home there kinda like i belonge. but we will see how long that lasts. and upcoming events -- classes start agian next week so there gose having free time this summer and then this weekend sato and i are going to a borders wedding so we will get to see all the old guy hopefully.

anyhow thats all i got right now
sorry its alittle ranting
hope u all had some fun reading it ^^
i now retire back to my book

You Are an Afternoon Person

You can find energy any time of the day ... or night! You prefer to be out and about when most other people are. Very early mornings or very late nights aren't really your thing. You're practically solar powered, and the afternoon is when do best.

You Are A Woman!

Congratulations, you've made it to adulthood. You're emotionally mature, responsible, and unlikely to act out. You accept that life is hard - and do your best to keep things upbeat. This makes you the perfect girlfriend... or even wife!

You Are 47% Pure

You're not so innocent... in fact, you're quite unpure. You have seen and experienced a lot. And you're no worse for the wear!

You Are An Intro-Extrovert!

Sometimes you're social - sometimes you're shy You've got a bit of an Introvert / Extrovert split going on You enjoy all sorts of situations. Parties, small groups, and alone time. Too much of one, and you'll long for the other. You need variety! Chances are, you've got both serious and fun friends - and they don't get along.

You Are a Werewolf

You're unpredictable, moody, and downright freaky. You seem sweet and harmless, until you snap. Then you're a total monster. Very few people can predict if you're going to be Dr. Jekyll or Mr. Hyde. But for you, all your transformations seem perfectly natural. Your greatest power: Your ability to tap into nature Your greatest weakness: Lack of self control You play well with: Vampires

You Are a Tomboy

You're having too much fun to bother with nail polish and crazy diets. Guys are instead impressed by how much you know and do!

You Belong in Fall

Intelligent, introspective, and quite expressive at times... You appreciate the changes in color, climate, and mood that fall brings Whether you're carving wacky pumpkins or taking long drives, autumn is a favorite time of year for you

table width=350 align=center border=0 cellspacing=0 cellpadding=2><tr><td bgcolor="#EEEEEE" align="center">

Your Career Personality: Independent, Flexible, and Ingenious
</td></tr>
<tr><td bgcolor="#FFFFFF">


Your Ideal Careers:



Astronaut

Entrepreneur

Lawyer

Nightclub owner

Photographer

Private investigator

Real estate developer

Stand up comic

Venture capitalist

Video game developer
</td></tr></table>

You Are 65% Borderline

Many signs point toward you having a borderline personality. It's probably a good idea to seek therapy. Or at least read a self help book.

for stacy

You Are The Devil

You don't represent evil, but you do represent the animalistic side of humans. You demonstrate what happens when we listen to our first instincts. At times you tend to be materialistic and hedonistic, giving in to temptation. Admit it, you're guilty of acting first - and forgetting to think later! Your fortune: Right now, you may be having a difficult time as a result of choices you have made. You need to think about what's important in your life, and discover what chains you down. It is the time to acknowledge your faults and take steps to overcome them. It's also the time to let go of any fears or inhibitions that are holding you back.

for moto

You Are Death

You symbolize the end, which can be frightening. But you also symbolize the immortality of the soul. You represent transformation, rebirth of a new life. Sweeping away the past is part of this card, as painful as it may be. Your fortune: Don't worry, this card does not predict death itself. Instead it foreshadows the ending of an era of your life, one that is hard to let go of. But with the future great new things will come, and it's time to embrace them. Mourn for a while, but then face the future with humility and courage.

There's a Chance You Could Be Violent

Overall, you're a pretty chill person - and you have a good handle on your emotions. Sometimes your anger gets the best of you, and end up regretting how you act. Try to curb your temper more often. It only has to get out of control once to do some damage.

You Are Changing Leaves

Pretty, but soon dead.

The first born, my heart will call Truly
A God-like boy of the sky
The fog hissed away like a movie
And serpents go home for the night
The thundercloud rain hits the freeway
The clowns put on makeup for show
The nightfall, my skin crawl kind of evening
And how the wind she blows
How the wind she blows

(Chorus) I want you to come closer
Come in closer. Come in closer.
I want you to come in closer
Come in closer. Come in closer.
I want you to come in closer, in closer

Come dancing with devils
Need not to know their names
We'll waltz like an army
For the fear of our pain
Our souls become useless
As the day they were born
In a rusted arm rocking chair
Away from your storm

But still, the truth remains lethal
A lie made by man
Where my shoes become hammers
And my words become sand
Like a sour patch, a wedding batch
Of roses you threw across my floor
In the rusted arm rocking chair
Away from your storm

(Chorus)
I really do

You Are a Club Sandwich

You are have a big personality. It's hard for anyone to ignore you! You dream big. You think big. And you eat big. Some people consider you high maintenance, but you just know what you want... and when you want it. Your best friend: The Tuna Fish Sandwich Your mortal enemy: The Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich

You Belong in London

You belong in London, but you belong in many cities... Hong Kong, San Francisco, Sidney. You fit in almost anywhere. And London is diverse and international enough to satisfy many of your tastes. From curry to Shakespeare, London (almost) has it all!

Your Love Life Secrets Are

Looking back on your life, you will have a few true loves. You've been deeply wounded in the past, and you're still recovering from that hurt. You expect a lot from your lover - you want the full package. You tend to be very picky. In fights, you love to debate and defend yourself. You logic prevails - or at least you'd like to think so. A break-up usually comes as a shock to you. You always think things are going well.

You Are 51% Feminine, 49% Masculine

You are in touch with both your feminine and masculine sides. You're sensitive at the right times, but you don't let your emotions overwhelm you. You're not a eunuch, just the best of both genders.

You Belong in Generation Y

You fit in best with people born between 1982 and 2001. You are cooperative, flexible, and adaptable. You know the world changes quickly, and you're eager to change with it. You are socially responsible, forward thinking, and open minded.

You Need Some Black in Your Life

Black will make you feel powerful, in control, and not bound to what other people think of you. And with a little black, you will project a aura of mystery, rebellion, and dominance. If you want people to respect you, you've got to get a little black in your life! For extra punch: Combine black with orange or red The downside of black: People won't be able to "read" you - and may perceive you as more aggressive than you actually are The consequences of more black in your life: You'll become a figure of intrigue and speculation You'll be better prepared for life's unknown path You'll rest better and free yourself of expectations

cant seem to shake this feeling....
.... i do so hate my roomie
:: sighs::

ok so i just woke up from the stranges dream
if you wanna read it hear it is.....


so it started i was in some kind of warped san francisco-ish setting and it was monday and was walking to clas but there was no class it was my day ff so i ran up a large hill to the coast and started running along the coast line to a little shack restraunt. i met afiew lolies outside the door and i knew them and tey were putting there clohting on and getting reasy to wde throught the mud infront of the door to the barish place we were oing into. on the way in a girl i don recognie now bu i knw her in hte dream, she wasls out and says shes going to head back to the city, i give her a kiss and say "ill see yah later babe" and then go in. one one side of the wal is a kitchen, a large one where dean is cooking japaneese food, and the rest of the room is filled with people eating. i star talking to dean saying hi and making small talk about how busey the joint is and then wes shows up at my side. we ask dean to put us to work and he keesps saying no no and we keep asking. so he hands us one flower vase each tells us to go to the sink and fill them with hot water and then to fill the womans toliet with them, so wes and i go over the the waters hot hot hot and i burn my hand (( then hand still hurts)) and we race over trying not to spill the water and wes pretends to throw some on me, we fill and fix the toliet and then all of a sudden its time to clean up and close, the sun is going down and he sky is bright orange. so we get outside, is now just me dean and another small asian man and dean turns around adn yells :run: we look back over the gate and back to dean whos running for a second barn. so both me and this man drop what were holding and make a run for it, just as we start running we hear horses behind us and 3 burst out from the gate and start charging us. well they get closer and closer, the hourss are black adn the one ider i rember seemed to be a batlike man creature and his eyes were just on me, so i brek off form the other man and run twards the other fence and the bat man fallows me and not the other, the other man makes it to the barn and then i make a break for it, the bat thing man is chatching up so i slip throught the wire fench im running along to the other side, he has to backtrack to get throught the fench bt then starts charging his hrse at me down the line, the other 2 things have made it to the barn and are inside just as i get cloase. then dean bursts out of the barn grabs me wraps me in a blanket becaus im naked and picks m up holding m upside dwn and just takes off. so now were fblying and the bat man thing is behind us and is flying too and he chaches up and laches onto me and says someint to the effect of, pretty reproduce open to me you need to feel my rod and he fiffles manickley and just keeps repeting this over and over adding in that hes going to devour me. things get alittl fuzzy ear caus dean thats not dean anymore starts to change and he pulls me away from this bat thing ont his chest and we end up foing into a cave and he throws the balnket over me and motions for me to be quiet so i am and the bat man comes in and looks around hissing and sniffing and he comes right up to dean.. who now loks like a tall thin woman, and it can sem to see her/dean and hisses agian and gose off into the cave. cut back were in the barn there are alof of people wall who were in the resraunt, dean and i are sitting in chairs on the other side of a tent thing and there tlking about why the creatures came and saying it was for breoken swords and shovles and th such so i ask dean, who is now back to normal dean, if i should tell them, he shrugs so i stand and start telling the story, only im typing it as i am now.
then my phone gose off before i can finish anything else
and now i am awake and i rember most of this dream
and was very compelled to wright it all down
so hear it is
i dont know what to make of it
ay ideas?

:: yawns::
well its ben awile sence ive posted hear
hi all
man dose life sneek up on you
i havent really had a "free" second to myself in a long wile
anyhow just wanted to say hi to all of you still reading my lj ^^

::toasts to yet another year::

really?
i dont quite think so but meh

You Are 62% Evil

You are very evil. And you're too evil to care. Those who love you probably also fear you. A lot.

hehehe
very sorry that im scary ^^;;;;;

You Are 60% Sociopath

You're not a sociopath, but you're very prone to antisocial behavior. Other people's opinions matter little to you. You live your own fringe life - for better or worse.

Your Japanese Name Is...

Michi Karasuma

You are

You Are a Goth!

You're so gothically outrageous, and you aren't afraid to flaunt it. Whether you dress up like Robert Smith or a tragic Little Bo Peep, chances are that you'll be parading around with the rest of the goths at Yoyogi Park on Sunday. Don't forget your white makeup and blue lipstick! Who knows? You may just get picked up by one of the seedy photographers.

oh shock

Your Stripper Song Is

Closer by Nine Inch Nails "You let me violate you, you let me desecrate you You let me penetrate you, you let me complicate you Help me I broke apart my insides, help me I?ve got no Soul to tell" When you dance, it's a little scary - and a lot sexy.

well lived throught the naked peeps
was a woman with massive boobs so it was nice ^.~
think im dooin ok in that class we turned the work in and the teach dident tell me that i sucked so well hope for the best

so hears the update in a nutshell
been chillin
the appat has mice and roches >.< but were thinkin bout gettin a kittin to help with that some
but i only have 4/5 months left in this hole till i move to a new place
foud the best place and its only like 5 blocks away so all is yeay

works been a pain
no hours loosing my paperwor its just all one big headace so i think its time to look for something new

moms sergery went well and shes still at home in san jo chillin

schools tame this samester
drawing nakie peeps, takin print making, have a hist class and have this odd thery class witch is drivin me crazy
the teachers good just hard to understand and the therys are alittle out there
but i think im dooin ok but the samest just started

masato and i are sill madley in love
and its been a blast

went to dundra con this weekend and about killed some nerds >.<
evil flashbacks of doom
but the pulses was a backrub from hevan and a new found hobbie
gonna join the sca and get into sword fighting ^^
fun with sticks and excersise

hmm i dont think theres anything else thats happend

things comin up are b-day tomarrow i think
masatos b-days soon ^^
concert next weekend
midterms are soonish
dont know if theres anything else
cant think of any
^^
well gotta scamper to another class
ta ta for now

morning lj
long time no talking to you
this morning i am off to my fig class
i know its gonna be a naked guy today and i dont know if i can handle anymore genitals =_=
its too early in the morning to think about sex T.T
but meh
crazy weekend
maby ill post about it later we will see
well im off love you lj ::cuddles::

hay all
this weekend is Ren Fair at casa de fruita
some of us are gonna be there saterday and sunday
if you wanna meet up and play give me a call and well work it out ^__^
the more the better
http://www.norcalrenfaire.org/ <-- the link to the fair
if you buy tickets online its 5$ off with the password "shakespeare"
one day is 22$
all weekend is 30$
its usualy hot there and dusty so bring water and comphy shose
and you can rent costumes if you wanna dress up
love yah all and hope we see you at the fair ^__^
~stacy

Ahoy Maties
While Mindy is away we will play
We will be collecting dubloons and the winner at the end of each night will get to choose a prize from the treasure chest. The winner for the 2 weeks with win an even bigger prize, but were not telling you what that is yet. So go have fun and we will see who wins!

Now this is the list of what you can do to win dubloons….

take out garbage-50
section perfection 1 section- 5
UPT of 3- 100 (at days end for store, everyone earns)
Br% signup-15% (at days end for store, everyone earns)
% to total trans 60%- 100 (can pull up on e-info)
store make sales for day- 50
receive- 10
greet 50 customers- 50
coach an employee- 20
recover store- 5
unbox dc- 25
shelve dc- 25
scan returns- 5/section
organize mags- 20

hay all who still read lj
havent posted hear in awile but then agian thats never new
i think im finaly starting to get along ok
get kinda loney at times but i dont hate things anymore
school is good
i love my classes and so far i think im doing well
the jobs getting a tad lame but meh
theres a little spark of something but well see where it gose
and im looking to move out and start on my own
but once agian well see how it gose
anyhow
just finished some work and im off to bed
sweet dreams all
~moto

ever had one of thought incidents where someone’s said something funny but you either a.missed what they said or b. it went over your head and your left standing there going "hu?" while everyone else is laughing?

my life kinda feels like that right about now

so will someone please tell me whats going on? what everyones laughing at?